Before twilight, I woke up to the hushed silence of the early morning. Fear, sadness, and an overwhelming sense of despair consumed me. The clock read 5:23 a.m. as the room remained shrouded in darkness. I lay in my bed, trying to figure out what I was feeling and why. I had had a nightmare but could only remember impressions. I turned onto my side to hopefully forget what I was feeling, and slip back into the comfort of sleep, but it would not let me go. I realized as I lay there in the dark that the world I lived in was no longer here. It had turned into something I didn’t recognize. Something dark and foreboding.
I was tired. Tired of the fighting. Tired of the anger. Tired of not being able to laugh or cry. I was tired of loving others being taboo. However, most of all, I was tired of the hate enveloping my society, my friends, and my family. Tired of the anger and despair between neighbors. “If you’re not with me, you’re against me.” Seems to be the go-to conclusion between people now. No neutral ground is allowed, even if your focus is on the good in people. The good in life. There is always someone to throw the ugly in.
More people are turning their backs on their neighbors and friends because it’s too hard to make a relationship or friendship work. For the record, there is nothing wrong with having different opinions. There is something wrong with forcing your ideas and opinions onto others, no matter what they are. I have a motto. “Your freedom ends where mine begins.” I try to live by those words. The violence going on around me is just too hard to accept. I remember kindness, love, companionship and people saying hello as you pass. People helping you if you are in trouble. Now they look away and make some kind of comment or ignore the fact that someone needs help.
We’re all walking on eggshells. Fear is a constant shadow and companion in today’s world. I feel it; I see it on other faces; Fear of saying the wrong thing, of looking at another because they might misread you; wearing something that expresses our feelings as it might be misinterpreted to the viewer’s warped analytics. Fear of speaking. Need I go on?
I don’t know why this burdened me today. No idea why my subconscious mind sent me this message and woke me up at 5 a.m. Perhaps it was to make me more aware of others; or warning me of what is coming and that things are only going to get worse. To make me more aware of everything around me? Success. I am more alone today than I was last night. Less alone this week than I might be tomorrow. Is this what our world has come to? Making us fearful of existing in a world where happiness should fulfill a heart? I wonder…
B.L. Pleisch
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